TOP TEN TIPS

TOP TEN “MUST DO” THINGS IN SAIGON (HO CHI MINH CITY)

1.              Eat BBQ fish at the Ben Thanh Night markets.

2.              Ride on the back of a motobike

3.              Sip a sunset cocktail or cold beer at roof bar ‘Saigon Saigon’ (at the Caravelle) after an afternoon monsoon.

4.              Slurp REAL Pho (not the Pho 24 kind).  

5.              Get a foot massage around Dong Khoi.  Try “Golden Lotus” near Versace or “Professional Foot Massage” on Ton That Thiep street.

6.              Drink a beer on the street after midnight in Pham Ngu Lao – try my beloved Eden Bar on De Tham (Ask for Binh) or if you are brave/stupid… try Go2 or Crazy Buffalo.

7.              Dance at Apocalypse Now – both upstairs and downstairs – until your head spins and your feet ache.

8.              Get some clothes tailored.  They might be a disaster but it will make you appreciate the store bought clothes you own.

9.              Go to Karaoke.   Bring some Vietnamese friends if you can.  Most Karaoke bars have both English and Vietnamese.  Hire a private room and belt out some 80’s tunes.  Sing like no one can hear you… they probably can – but they aren’t listening.

10.          Switch on WIFI.   Free wifi is available EVERYWHERE.   Use it.  Download/Email/Chat/Skype/Blog/Tweet.   No where makes having internet access SO easy as Vietnam.

TOP TEN “MUST NOT DO” THINGS IN SAIGON

1.              Ride in a Cyclo.  It’s dangerous, uncomfortable and you look like a tool.

2.              Stop whilst cross the street… or worse – start walking then stop then run.  You’d be surprised how many people die that way.  Walk slowly at an equal pace during a lull in the traffic.  (a lull not a gap).

3.              Wear a bum/fanny bag.  It’s directly at street kid height and you also look like a tool.

4.              Buy luxury goods.  The tax makes them even more expensive than at home.  Only Singapore and HK have favourable tax rates.  Vietnam however has favourable looking copies of luxury goods sold at Ben Thanh Market.

5.              Plan to walk around between 11 and 3.   You will get one or two blocks and want melt into the pavement.  It’s hot, It’s humid, It’s stinky and stinky.   If you want to walk around then plan to do it after 6pm once the sun has set.

6.              Bargain too hard.   I mean seriously – does that 50c really make such a big deal to you? Because it’s probably enough to buy dinner or the lady selling you the ugly tourist t-shirt you are buying.

7.              Expect Taxi drivers to undestand you.  They won’t or if they do they will pretend they don’t.  Always give the address written down.  Especially hotels.  SMS or typing it on your mobile screen will do too.

8.              Buy a conical hat and expect to take it home with you.   They are full of bugs and Australian Customs go crazy.

9.              Order open drinks and leave them on the table at a club.  In fact – try to avoid buying spirits or cocktails at most nightclubs.  The spirits are most likely fake and you will feel like shit the next day.  Stick to beer or coolers that you can see them open in front of you (and can keep in your hand).

10.          PLEASE!  DO NOT ASK THE 60 YEAR OLD LADY  ON THE STREET TO PICK UP HER BASKETS ON A POLE AND THEN HOLD THEM UP ACROSS HER BACK  - JUST SO YOU CAN TAKE A PHOTO.  I have seen this SO many times and it kills me.  She is trying to make a miniscule living and you are belittling her.   Give her (and yourself) a bit of respect.